"So I have a friend that I help out by watching her young children, one of which is a special needs child. I have been having them three days a week ranging from 4 to 8 hours each time. When she asked me to watch them she said she would pay me $30 a day unless I had them less than 6 hours, then it would go down to $20. Then she said a week later that if I only have two of her kids then it would be $20 no matter what. Anyway, she just called me last night and said that the day I had all three of her kids, fed them a snack AND dinner, but only had them for 3.5 hours, she is only going to pay me $15 for that day. So she is pretty much getting free babysitting. I am being taken away from my family so much and feel used. Get this, NOW she wants me to drive them to her mom's house which is 15 miles away but still only pay me $15-20 for that day. I have decided that I am the one letting this happen to me. SO today will be the day I tell her what's up...but how?!"
Well, first of all you hit the nail on the head when you said, "I am the one letting this happen to me," because it sounds like she is the one making all the rules. Since when does that happen?! I don't remember EVER taking my child to a babysitter or daycare and saying, "Okay, this is how its going down bitches." Okay, okay, I probably have done that :) However, this is what I would do...and I guess you want to know because you asked me. HA! I would tell her tonight (or tomorrow, no pressure) that you need to talk to her about the babysitting situation y'all have going on. Before you say anything, you need to write down EXACTLY what you want: the hours, the money exchanged, the food prepared, the driving around, etc. And, I have to say I can't believe you would agree to the driving around part. I mean, unless she reeeeeeally needs you to do that, in which case I would make it part of the agreement that she pays extra moolah those days for gas. Furthermore, why can't her mother come get the kids herself?! What the frackety-frack is that all about?! Anyway, I digress...
When you sit down with her let her know that you have no intentions of fighting or getting into a heated discussion about the content of what you are about to say. You have to say this because you are obviously friends with her and this could be a make-it or break-it convo for the ol' friendship. I would tell her that you have a "contract" that you have written up and before she goes all ape shit on you tell her that you are willing to compromise on some things and prepared to negotiate...unless of course, you are not. And, in that case good for you, you have officially grown balls. Then I would tell her straight up that when you told her you would watch her kids you had the best intentions but that you feel as though it has taken a wrong turn somewhere and you are starting to feel taken for granted...this would be when your carefully thought out and FAIR "contract" comes in. YOU tell her what you will be paid, YOU tell her whether you will be driving her kids around, YOU tell her the hours you are available. Telling people how you feel and how it is going to be (especially when you can) is very, very liberating. I'm telling ya, you will feel like a stronger woman. Of course, it could also go to your head like me...I'm a total power tripper now :) If you guys cannot find a common ground or she turns into a major bitch then tell her, "Sorry lady, your footprints are all up and down the back, front, and side of me and I'm DONE. Good luck finding somebody to watch your brats." (I threw in "brats" because all of them really are, I am just the only one that will say it.)
Hopefully, all goes well and if it were me I would have everything neatly written (or even typed) and a place for her to sign at the bottom. I mean, for reals, that is what you have to do at ANY daycare. Then give her a copy and you keep a copy. I know the hardest part for you is the confrontation but it doesn't have to be loud or awkward. I know you can do it, just be your kind self and if she is a bitch.........meh, turn the other cheek. She has enough problems it sounds like and losing you as a friend will be HER loss. Good luck!!!
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