KIDLESS PARENTING

“Why do people without kids feel the need to give me advice about mine?”

First, I would need to know whether this happens to you a lot. If people are constantly coming up to you and giving you the lowdown on how your kids are acting then I would say the answer is simple: your kids are assholes. Seriously, if you have friends and random strangers telling you they can’t believe the way your kids are behaving then you have a problem. Just because people don’t have any kids of their own doesn’t mean they don’t have legit advice. For example, I have only had that happen to me ONCE and it was a friend that couldn’t believe I was letting my kid talk to me the way he was…and this friend was right. I ended that shit quick.

Now, if there are just a couple of friends who are kidless and saying crap like, “When I have a kid I will never let them stay up this late” or “when I have a kid I will never let them have soda” then I get it, that is superduper annoying. People without kids can’t have an opinion on those things because they have NO IDEA what they will do “when they have a kid.” It’s not like parenting comes with a manual, although it should. Unfortunately, being a parent is a lot of learn-as-you-go and nobody is perfect. Besides this is life and there are things you cannot control. Such as, your shithead sister giving your kid a bowl of sugar cereal they aren't allowed to have. Orrrrr your kids going to a friend's house and staying up all night playing that game they aren't supposed to play. People that don't have kids and think they have it all figured out are fooling themselves. 

So, when these peeps do this to you just tuck that shit into the back burner of your brain for when their time comes. Ya know, the time when they are finally parents and you see them shoving candy and inappropriate television shows in their kids’ faces just to shut them the fuck up for five minutes. Trust that this will happen and you can say “Remember that time you said…” You can sit back and laugh because the whirlwind of parenthood just might hit these people right in the kisser...and when it does, they won’t know what hit them.

And that is…WHAT I THINK! HA!