"I have a friend that just had a third child. She has a 4-yr old boy, 2-yr old girl, and now a 5-day old little boy who has down snydrome. Her 2-yr old and new baby have the same dad, her husband. Her husband is a piece of shit. He asked her for a divorce a week before she had this baby. He is never there for her, never helps with the kids, she has to ask for money from him and the list goes on. My question is, how do I tell her that I cant stand to hear about it since she is always going back and forth. I know deep down inside things will never change. I am so tired of listening to it but still want to be there as a friend. Any advice for me?"
Man oh man, have I been there!! There are not a whole lot of things worse than listening to the same sob story over and over and over again. When your friend talks mad shit about their man and how rough they have it and yet they do nothing to change the situation. I have not only been on this side of it, but I have also been on the other side. The one where I rant and rave about what a jackhole my man is to you then go home to him, make dinner, and then probably lay the undeserving S.O.B.
HOWEVER, that is the definition of what being a friend is...sorry to say. There are friend codes, my dear, and one of them is this: When your friend hates her man, you hate her man. When your friend loves her man, you love her man. You don't have to love what he is all about (because this particular one sounds like one giant piece of shit) but you have to respect your friend's feelings because you can't MAKE her leave the King of all Douchebags. She has to make up her own mind about what her future holds. Now, if you pop off about how you are sick of hearing about her fucking problems with the idiot she has chosen to procreate with, as well as vow to spend the rest of eternity with, you will just put more pressure on your friend and possibly ruin your friendship.
With this said, just because you are supposed to have your friend's back no matter what, and listen to her complain about her life that she goes back to day after day, does not mean that you have to keep your opinions to yourself about her situation. Next time she starts in on another goddamn "You will never believe what my asshole husband did" story, maybe you could GENTLY say, "Have you ever noticed that every time you start to tell me something like this it is the same song and dance?" I say "GENTLY" because it takes a strong woman to break free from that special kind of nightmare. Especially when there are children involved and your friend is undoubtedly unemployed just having a baby and all. Anyway, what I am saying is not a lot of women can do it. The only women I know (myself included) that have done it have had really good friends and family by her side every step of the way. Life isn't easy (and hers sounds especially difficult) so you need to tell her in a tender way that you are kind of sick of hearing the same shit and the only way things will change is if she decides to change them. AND, that you will be there for her anytime and whenever she needs you...especially if she needs a car with a big trunk, or a shovel, or even something as simple as letting the police know she was at your house between 5pm and 9pm on the day of March 20th. Just sayin'...its friend code, people.
And that is WHAT I THINK! HA!
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