"What do you do when you can't stand your kids?"
Okay, so it's not funny to talk about smothering your kids but any of you that actually HAVE kids (all the rest of you can keep your goddamn opinions to yourself) know that occasionally children can be frustrating and can take you unknowingly to the brink of madness. I know this because I myself have a little know-it-all and when I get to the point where I want to scream, "HOLY SHIT, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME" I stop and breathe and realize this little bastard is my reason for living. I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I love him and I know that he feels the same way about me. For the toddler mom or dad, my advice to you is to remove yourself from this child for at least 30 minutes before you dropkick the poor thing. It's not his fault he is annoying the shit out of you. It is just the unfortunate stage where they need you to do everything for them whether you want to or not and they are constantly up in your grill. For the adolescent/preteen mom or dad, give them a project to get them out of your hair. Whether it be building something out of Legos, making a fort (in their OWN room), or riding their bikes...hell, play a video game (don't judge me). Anything as long as they are away from you for an hour or so as to regain your sanity and your love for them. For the teenager mom or dad, there is no saving you. Lock yourself in your bedroom with bottles of wine for about 3-4 years counting each new gray hair that you find and ride it out. I don't have a teenager myself but if mine is anything like I was I want to be drunk for most of it.
All joking aside, children need their parents to love them and be kind to them no matter how big of an asshole they are. "Smother" them with hugs and kisses and pray for the best!!!
And that is WHAT I THINK...HA!
Oh Amanda, you nailed it. I am so glad that someone put it into perspective like that for me. I have been having those moments lately where all I want to do it ring my toddlers neck. You had me cracking up the whole time. THANK YOU!!
ReplyDeleteGreat perspective on each age group... I do what you do and my kids love me... Only adding to your blog... Teenage years I need to blank out. I am sure I'm in for it to...Btw didn't you know all Max's know EVERYTHING ? Geesh!
ReplyDeleteI love your comparison to yourself as a teenager, I also would want to lock myself in a room with a wine celler attached if my son ends up acting anything like I did.
ReplyDeleteSo many new moms need to read your real wisdom, it may feel like a slap in the face but knowing what they truly are getting into will better prepare them for the road ahead. I have five children, yes five. Ages 25, 23, 20 and 8 year old twins. You would think I would have learned early on, but I really wanted a girl! The advice about the teenage years is spot on! I looked myself in my room with boxes of wine and emerged 6 years later when they were old enough to kick out without legal repercussions. I highly advice this tactic, or at least find a hobby that allows you to lock yourself in your room for long periods of time.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Amanda, I hope lots of moms read it and are comforted knowing others share their pain and random thoughts of murder.
HAHAHAHA LUV IT!!!! I knew You would give me my daily laugh TY Amanda, cannot wait for tomm. post. :)
ReplyDeleteMedicine (RX, HERB, Wine) & friends worked well for me! Aweswome post Manda!
ReplyDeleteAnd it's great that you had good friends to be a kid with, watching out for each other. Now as adults they're still good friends and when they come to visit they still contribute, just not to a minor:)
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