THE GRASS ISN'T ALWAYS GREENER

"I have been in a relationship with a man for a very long time. We have amazing children but we never have married. He says he loves me but never shows it. He has depression and anger issues. He does nothing for our relationship or our family. I do love him and love my family just not in love with him anymore. So along comes my first real love and guess what?? Years later I still feel the same about him. I have a stable life and my children are in a great place with a nice home. My new love (or old depending how you look at it) lives a completely different life. But he treats me like a queen.  He tells me he loves me, kisses me, wants to do things for me.....HELP!!!!"

I need to throw in a disclaimer right off the bat here because I am the LAST person that should be giving out relationship advice. I've pretty much screwed up every single one I have ever been in but here goes anyway...


People that have been together for as long as you have get stuck in ruts...happens ALLLLL the TIIIIIIIME. And of course this new-old guy "treats you like a queen," "loves" you, "kisses" you, and "wants to do things" for you. They all do...at first. There is nothing like feeling that rush of talking to or seeing the one person you loved once upon a time. But, does this person know you? Really know you? Flings from the past don't know what you have become. I mean, let's get real here. Does he know that you have pushed out children and that area down yonder doesn't look the same and certainly doesn't feel the same. Crass? YES. True? Definitely yes. Does he know that your children will take precedence over ANYTHING he might think is important...and I mean ANYTHING?? Does he know the way you like your eggs in the morning? Does he know your pet peeves? Does he know not to touch the DVR when your shows are recording??!! Okay shit...that's me and my relationship. ANYWAY, what I am getting at is YES your relationship feels crappy and YES its exciting talking to a guy that makes you feel good because you have lost it with your current one. But you of all people should know that jazz fades, sometimes as soon as a few months in!  Now, ask yourself this...does the man you are currently with know these things about you? Most likely. Does he not only know that your children take #1 priority, but also feels the same way about your children? Most definitely. He not only knows what you have become, he knows how you got there.


I always try to put the shoe on the other foot because it helps me to put things into perspective...How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Your current man is not feelin' ya and he is connecting with an old love. You now have to imagine him with that person canoodling on a beach somewhere while your children play in the surf. How does that feel? Not good, right? Now I know this is so cliche' and I hate myself for even saying it but you could try counseling. A lot of relationship problems stem from communication issues. I should know because most of my communication has the F-word and occasionally the C-word. My boyfriend doesn't like that...However, I do know a few people that have done it and it helps. Think of it this way: You can get it all out and a third party decides. Also, my favorite way of "fixing" things is in the bedroom. I know right now you don't feel like he deserves this kind of treatment but I want to tell you something. When my boyfriend is being the ASSHOLE of all ASSHOLES I will still slink into a teddy and wake him up with a little something-something and boy oh boy does the mood change. He feels bad about the way he was acting, apologizes profusely (even when it was MY fault), and is nice as pie the next day. I don't know a lot but I know this, when you are stuck in a rut something has gotta give. If it's not you and he's not doing it either then where does that leave you? I'll tell ya, in a shitty relationship wasting the ONE life you have. However, before you start playing fast and loose with your future (and your children's) you need to think long and hard about your choices and the consequences. 


With that said, playing the "What If?" game is never fun. You should keep the "other" guy strung along while trying to work it out with your current one. HA! Hey, I told you I wasn't good at this shit...but that is what I would do. It's really not fair to the other guy but who really cares...I mean, you haven't talked to him in years and who cares if he gets mad and makes it years until the next time.


Now, if you try all this and the guy you are currently with is still an asshole...kick him to the curb and get some strange girl. Dumbass should have put a ring on it...


And that is WHAT I THINK...HA!